Nancy and John Desmond’s Walden Lake home is full of stacked boxes stuffed with colorful beads, heart-shaped light up antenna headbands and loving banners of support.
It’s all for the St. Pete Pride Parade, which takes place Saturday, June 28.
Nancy digs into a box and held up two banners:
I love my two moms.
I love my lesbian cousin.
The couple will be holding up their own sign during the parade to let the world know they love their gay son, J.P.
“It’s all about love and support,” Nancy said. “It has consumed our lives in such a great way.”
The Desmonds will be riding on the Tampa Chapter of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays parade float. The Plant City residents are active in the chapter, reviving it after their son came out to them. Now, John is president.
This year, PFLAG has been selected as grand marshal out of all of the participating LBGT organizations. They barely found out in April that they would be leading the parade on their rainbow-colored float.
“This has been a busy couple of months,” John said. “When we march with PFLAG, the crowd is loud, just screaming. So, as grand marshal, you know it’s going to be crazy.”
It might get crazy during St. Pete Pride Week. But, it’s nothing the Desmonds haven’t conquered before.
COMING OUT
The Desmonds didn’t have any idea J.P. was gay. There were no signs. No behaviors.
In fact, he succeeded in school. He was always the smart kid, so ahead of his classmates that, in fourth grade, his mother decided to homeschool him.
“His idea of fun was to be in a library all day,” Nancy said.
At the time, the family lived in Washington, D.C. The mother-son duo would take trips to the Smithsonian.
By the time he was in ninth-grade, Nancy couldn’t keep up. His success continued. J.P. got the highest SAT scores out of the whole grade. He was accepted into college.
College didn’t go as well. He became depressed and dropped out. His parents didn’t know it yet but their son had come out. His depression stemmed from the harsh judgement of his peers and the poisoning stigma from mainstream culture.
“It was devastating,” Nancy said about her son dropping out.
J.P. didn’t let it destroy his world. He came home, got a job and finally, when he was ready, went back to school.
He lived with three roommates at first. Then two. Then one. It was this one who had become a special part of J.P.’s life. So, at 28 years old and after dating him for eight years, J.P. told his parents the truth.
“When he came out to us, it was brand new to us,” Nancy said. “What does this mean? Is he going to be safe? Is he going to have a happy life?”
His parents loved him, regardless. They wanted to visit his boyfriend up north.
“All of a sudden, it throws you into a world you know nothing about,” Nancy said.
So they got online and started researching J.P.’s world. What they found was PFLAG.
IT’S ABOUT SUPPORT
The Desmonds started attending the Brandon chapter of PFLAG, which offers support groups to families and friends of gay and lesbian loved ones.
Through the meetings, the Desmonds witnessed all walks of life. Whether it was a transgender college student or a father struggling to come to grips with his child’s lifestyle, they were all there for each other and to learn.
The Desmonds were inspired by the stories and their son’s own life. They were even more determined to get involved when they learned how prevalent suicide was with lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth. According to the Centers for Disease Control, a nationally representative study of adolescents in grades 7 to 12 found that lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth were more than twice as likely to have attempted suicide as their heterosexual peers.
The Desmonds decided to do something about it. They revived the Tampa chapter of PFLAG.
“You don’t know how much of a relief it is to get that support,” Nancy said. “It’s exactly what you would imagine. A lot need help.”
The Desmonds even took in a homeless youth who had come out as gay to his parents. They continued to get involved with the Homeless Coalition of Tampa, The Spring of Tampa Bay and lobbied to end labor discrimination based off of sexual orientation and sexual identity.
“I’m a Christian,” Nancy said. “Jesus’s teachings are about love.”
And PFLAG plans to promote that love for years to come. After all, PFLAG’s theme for the parade is “Love Wins.”
Contact Amber Jurgensen at ajurgensen@plantcityobserver.com.
BY THE NUMBERS
25 people allowed on the PFLAG float
36 heart antenna headbands on the PFLAG float
5,000 the number of strings of beads tossed from the PFLAG float